Sabr-e-intezaar

Tujhe yaad karte hain har lamha,
Har lamha ab saalon-sa lagta hai

Ab judaai nahin sahee jaati,
Jo tera aana mumkin-sa lagta hai

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"Kaun kehta hai ki aasmaan mein suraag nahin hota... zara tabeeyat se patthar to maaro..."

Tere bin...

Woh tera chupke se aana, baahon mein hamein samaana
Woh shararat mein muskana, aur neendein churana
Bahut yaad aata hai

Yeh tera nazarein hataana, baat karne se katarana
Yeh nazdeeki se parhez farmana, door se hi chale jaana
Bahut sataata hai

Teri sazaa se kam berukhi se zyaada darte hain hum
Zamaana chhod denge tere liye, tujhse itna pyaar karte hain hum

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If you aren't living on the edge, then you are taking up too much space!

Makin' up

I know I hurt you,
Foolishly, it now seems
I know you still care,
You 'n' I are the best of teams

Each moment I think about you,
My face radiantly beams
I know we will make true together
All of our shared dreams!
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'A great many people think they are thinking when are merely rearranging their prejudices.'

Shaam-e-ghazal

'Toofaan aaya hai dil mein,
Itne saare jazbaat hain
Intezaar hai ab shab ka,
Unse deedar ki raat hai
Ab nahin koi shikva-gila,
Bade khushnuma haalaat hain
Woh aaye qayaamat ki tarah, wah,
Unki adaa ki kya baat hai!'
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"Good" is often the enemy of "best".

Inaayat

Ghoomne le chalo hamein kisi talaab,

Pesh karo hamein khilta gulaab,

Dekh lo hamein jee bhar ke bina hijaab...

Bas ek guzaarish aap se karte hain janaab,

Mohabbat karo hamse behisaab!

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'I'm not young enough to know everything.'

Kashish

Meri vafaaon mein itna asar ho jaye,

Jo ja rahe hain door, woh laut kar aayen.

Mere ishq-e-izhaar ki ho 'gar unhe kadr,

To jaan lenge ki unke deedaar ko kitne hain hum besabr.

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'"You don't have to be great to get started, but you have to get started to be great.'

O bedardi!

Itna intezaar karvaate ho,
tum badaa sataate ho,
Hamein chaahte ho ke nahin,
yeh bhi hamein kahaan bataate ho...

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'You only make no mistakes if you make nothing at all.'

The sameness of monotony

I run toward the light
Hoping the future is bright
I want to reach the street
As fast as I can be carried by my feet
I long for the sound of other voices
As if expecting warm comfort in their noises

They are close behind me, I know
At any time now I expect a blow
They, of the notorious fame
My life, my pride, they shamelessly claim
The heavy hand on my shoulder makes me scream...
Thank God, it is only a dream

The alarm ceased to ring several moments ago
I start the new day just like the old one, on the go
I miss the bus, just like yesterday, what’s new
I wonder if I’d have cared if I flew
I wait patiently for the train
Hoping like mad that it won’t rain

I hear a commotion a few feet ahead
A woman tries to pull hair out of another’s head
My book talks of the interpreter of maladies
Engrossed thus, I am not bothered about “local” tragedies
I jump off the train, helped slightly from behind
Another successful journey, an accomplishment in my mind

I reach the workplace ahead of time
There are 30 minutes to ten, before the bells chime
I savour the quiet of the office with some relish
The imminent buzz of phones, shuffling of feet, shouts across cubicles, will make it hellish
I begin work with the corporate ritual, checking of email
Replying to those marked “urgent”, adding to the trail

There were four ‘To Dos’ for the day, I pencil in two more
I start with the one at the top, taking the ship to shore
The lukewarm coffee is just about enough to keep me going
What’s on the menu, I walk past the lunch room, in the hope of knowing
Some colleagues praise the green soup, others the fiery red sauce
I focus on the noodles thinking, Indian Chinese food joints will never be in loss

The drones of other voices in the room fade
As I concentrate on which text box on my Powerpoint slide to shade
The deck of slides is almost ready to be sent
As I furiously type out the covering email to those for whom it is meant
I have done well today, I pat my own back
And cross out five of the six tasks on the rack

The conference call brings some good news
The client wants us to probe further certain issues
More business means more work
Ha, that’s one thing from which consultants never shirk
I discuss tomorrow’s work plan with my team
The new recruits are more eager than the old hands seem

We decide to call it a day, I wrap up
A half sandwich, my case papers and laptop
Another two hours of solitude, crowds, dust, grime, noise and peace
I wait for the end of the train ride to go home and wash off the grease
The reality show “hunt for the rock-star of the century” is on television
The family eats a conveniently timed meal during the intermission

I provide a quick report on the events of the day to the folks
And hear, in exchange, the rumours in the housing society and such jokes
The bed looks more and more inviting
Now that my senses are calmer from the air conditioning
I heave a silent prayer, thank God for the night
And hope for a better day... I know it’ll be the same... oh, what the heck?! All right...

A midnight rendezvous

Bas ek mulakat hui, na kuchh khaas baat hui
Par baat ki khaasiyat ki pehchaan baat ke baad hui
Ek aur mauka mile mulakat ka, sirf yahi arzoo dil mein aabaad hui

Sitaron ne sun li shaayad woh arzoo
Chand ne hamari taraf se ki tamanna ke hon hum unse rubaroo
Woh lamha aakhir pesh hua jiski thi hamein justujoo

Is baar bhi unki nazaron ne di dil ko dastak
Aji, rukiye to, kabse tarse hain dekhne ke liye aapki aur ek jhalak
Chaliye, jaiye, hum bhi dekhen humse door reh paayenge aap kab tak

Ek anjaan kashish hamein unki taraf kheenchti hai
Bas bechaini hi dil-e-gulfam ko seenchti hai
Ab sirf unhi ki tasveer aati hai saamne jab yeh nazarein apni palkein meenchti hain

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"Din ke saath raat nahin hoti, sitaron se dil ki baat nahin hoti,
Jin doston ka saath chahte hain hum, khuda jaane kyun unse roz mulakat nahin hoti..."

Flights o' Fancy

He was the 'class monitor'. The position was conferred upon a student who was any of:

(a) the brightest student in class
(b) the teacher’s pet
(c) the loudest student in class
(d) the largest student in class
(e) the naughtiest student in class

In his case, only (a) and (b) applied. She was proud of that fact. He was, of course, the cutest boy in class too. ;-) She was eight and a half. He was three months older than her. Crush #1.

*****
She was the 'class monitor' ... on the girls’ side. As per the rules of the class, another was required on the boys’ side. He qualified on none of counts (a to e) above but he just had that look, the sensible, responsible gentleman. He was paired with her as the other class monitor. She was nine and some months. He was ten. Crush #2A (his).
Fast forward >> She had just turned fourteen. He had served as Vice-Head Boy for the primary and junior high classes in the previous years. He was one of the few ‘all-round’ athletes (refers to the variety of sports/ athletic events, not the physical attributes) in junior high. Now that he was also transforming into one of the tall, dark and handsome variety, she noticed him more than ever before. Crush #2B (hers). The tables had turned!

*****
She met him at a cousin’s wedding. The relation to the cousin made him her relative. Damn! His disarming smile, model-like good looks, and charming personality made for an irresistible combo. The butterflies in her stomach fluttered harder because he silently returned the flirtatious admiration through the mischievous glint in his eye. She was on the brink of her twenties; he a couple of years older. Crush #8.

*****
The workplace had its pros and cons: it afforded her the opportunity to gaze at him without having to make a special effort to be around him, but it forced her to comply with implicit rules of propriety in a workplace, which disallowed the chances of a greater personal connection. Her finesse with people problems intrigued him. He sought her opinion on a range of issues from the mundane to the esoteric. He sported a smile that was to die for! His athletic strut was mesmerizing. Crush #15.

*****
What causes attraction to somebody? Sometimes, the reasons are as simple as (a) to (e) above. At other times, it’s the aesthetic element at play. Beauty is still a highly valued attribute. At still others, the scientific attraction (the physical chemistry of biology) is the culprit. But these are too superficial to interest a human spirit for too long. But won’t you agree that a combination of these matched with the intensity of an emotional connection, and the luxury of time, money and space lay a strong foundation for turning the fantasy called ‘love’ into a reality?

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"It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them."

Kanak

Aaj subah ka rang dekh kar muskarane ko jee chaha
Yeh subah jaise kaha rahi ho mujhse, meri sunhari kirnon mein khel kar to dekho

Man aakhir muskara hi utha
Jis cheez ki chaah thi woh haath se fisalti rahi
Jo haath mein tha uski kadr jaan-na baki tha abhi

Ab yeh suhani subah chhed rahi thi mere chanchal man ko,
Ae zindagi, tujhe jeene ki chaah mein, tera ek mazaak aur sahi

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"Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine."

Men at Work

Heard this at work the other day:

"Different people climax at different times."

[The remark was made by a colleague in response to another colleague's innocent question: "Will the Ganesh Visarjan processions have reached their crescendo around this time? (8.00 pm IST, Wed, 6th Sep, Mumbai, India)]

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"Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching?"

"I like blue!"

It had been a year to date. The pain had left her but the memory remained. The memory - not of the sight of his slow-moving silhouette, not of the smell of his shower gel after he had just showered, not of the touch of his fingers as he tapped her shoulder ever so gently as if he were worried that she might get disturbed from her reverie. It was the memory of his quiet voice, the sincerity of his words, the searching look in his eyes that sought her trust, her faith in him, her love, her heart.

Fate had been unkind to him but he had moved on, rediscovered a stronger person within himself. She admired his spirit. For the first time in her life she felt like believing in the old adage, 'love at first sight'... The battle between her mind and her heart raged underneath her calm demeanour. For the first time, her mind gave in. She wanted to believe in him, to care for him, to give him all that her heart was capable of giving. It was not too late, she thought, to start teaching herself to lose herself to somebody in this way.

His first gift to her was of the colour of the sea - as deep and unknowable as the sea. She embraced it with trembling fingers, curious and excited, nervous and afraid, but trusting and believing.

Today, she remembered him, his ways, his gifts, ... and the pain. He did not leave ... he fled, no, escaped. From her?... from himself... yes, from himself.

She watched the dark ocean waters on the evening tide as she stood near her bedroom window. They were a deep blue. Beautiful, she thought, love is beautiful. He had escaped, but she had not lost the courage to love.

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"Promise me you'll never forget me because if I thought you would I'd never leave. "

If it makes me happy...

I've gone a whole month without a single post! What kept me busy?... Let's see...

There was work, with several late nights spent over perfecting the format of the presentation(s) to be made to my client;
there was the commute, with the variegated colours of human existence to watch out for on the way from my residence to the workplace;
there were the quiet weekends spent catching up with family over steaming cups of chai and self-made pakodas ...
enough and more of the regular stuff...

But there were many new experiences this past month, making it one of the more interesting times I've spent lately.

The current project team is the largest I've ever worked on. Keeping the team together and coordinated is such a big exercise in itself that my boss actually assigned that part of his job to me! Although I had learned at b-school what project management was about, I could never have been prepared for all that it could encompass.

The first realisation came when a colleague came to me with the complaint that he didn't have a rental car to go back home in... hmm... let's see now, I said, project management could involve logistics for the project team. Done, I will ensure that all team members have their transportation requirements taken care of.

Then a bunch of guys, looking very frustrated at having being locked out of the office for twenty minutes, approached me and pronounced in unison, "Our Access Cards do not work!" Wow! How could my team work if they were not allowed into the workplace?! I took it upon myself to escalate the issue.

An intern from a foreign land had been on the project team for a couple of months. He admitted to me, over dinner one evening, that he identifies with all that is rebellious in nature, but wanted to conform as far as possible in this new country with all its peculiar sensitivities. I quite like the guy. He was especially having trouble relating to some uptight members of the client team. Knowing that I had spent long enough in the world of work, he came to me for advice. Along with a patient hearing, I offered him the much-needed "advice". From then on, my cabin has been designated as the "HR" (for Human Resources) room. Another facet of project management?... I guess...

The other day the boss asked me how the team was doing... what? Well, you know, how is the morale of the team, and such. Umm... I took a little longer to reply than was expected. "Hey, why don't you organise some team events for the whole lot?" Huh? All right, I suppose project management does involve ensuring high levels of productivity for the team, which includes giving them a breather and a chance to bond with their colleagues informally. So now, in addition to being the Logistics Officer, the Admin-in-charge and the Chief HR Officer, I am also the Chief Entertainment Officer for the project team!

Fortunately for me, there were enough instances to ensure a boost in my self-confidence along with the expansion of my portfolio.

Another intern from a foreign land was planning a holiday with some personal friends and family. He insisted that I join the company 'cause he wanted to let them know how much fun some of the people he worked with were! Everyone likes to be popular but I was quite taken aback by the sincerity with which he asked; quite touched too that he felt like I made him feel at home and looked after. [Actually, another colleague almost warned me that I might be getting too motherly about my team members... am not yet sure how to respond to that...hmm]

One of the girls on the team (a very small no.) has almost embarrassed me with the no. of compliments she has sent my way. She likes my wardrobe, she says, and the way I use it. Now that's something a girl should feel good about! :)

A junior colleague had one drink too many on one of those after-parties following a team dinner. He had acquired a sombre expression and had been waxing eloquent for a few minutes on the meaning of life. At one point in his soliloquy, he fixed his gaze on me and said solemnly, "One day I will write a book on you." Where did that come from?! "You are a perfectionist but an unassuming one, how do you manage it?" I'm still wondering about the nuances of that statement. It certainly massages my ego that anyone should want to emulate me but I worry just a little of appearing unreachable... not so perfect, after all, ... and thank God for that!

On reflection, I'm glad that project management has not consumed me completely. I finally put into action a long overdue item on my 'To Do' list: taking my salsa lessons! It's great getting back to dancing again. And I can't wait for the jazz lessons that are beginning next month.

It's been an eventful month in all. I'm enjoying feeling good about being myself, stretching myself. All right, with all the air that's quickly filling up my head, I might start levitating soon. Time to call it a post. :)

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"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

Voulez vous danser avec moi ce soir?

"Dance with me?"
The question was apparent but only
in the anticipation of his extended hand. I hesitated.
"I don't know how," the confused excitement
in my eyes seemed to say. He persisted.

"I'll show you ."
Slowly I brought my hand to meet his
and felt a tingle in my fingernails. He elevated
me and we moved to the dance floor,
the sole performers for the evening, my nerves agitated.

"Come closer."
I misunderstood and stepped
on his toes, making him jump. I was mortified.
He covered up for my faux pas,
quickly aligning himself to my misguided efforts, chivalry personified.

"What if I can't?"
"You can. Trust me,
I'll teach you." He tried
to calm my nerves. "What if I step on your toes again?"
"I'll not wince once, they are yours to tread." I was mystified.

"What if I can't hold on?"
"I'll pull the weight, for both of us,"
his voice was steady, his gaze keen. I was assured,
somewhat. "What if I hold too tight?"
"I'll remove your fear and hold you closer. You are secured."

"And if I can't keep up?"
"I'll wait for you, so you can adjust
your pace. Do you always ask so many questions?" he smiled.
"I'm nervous. What if I move too fast?"
"I'll catch up, so you are never lonely." A promise filed.

"After the prelude,"
He warned me to get into motion
as he held my hand. On the count of two, we moved.
The pounding in my heart became louder and began to subside
as he led me swiftly across the floor. A good dancer, he proved.

"See, you are doing fine,"
he beamed approvingly at my disjointed routine.
"You are too generous," I blushed as the music box belted
out a lilting tune from long ago. "I mean it, I couldn't
have asked for a nimbler partner." My heart melted.

"There's one thing though,"
he interjected my wafting thoughts. The glint in his eye
should have alerted me but I breathed
so rapidly that he steadied me with his arms, while in my heart
a flutter of emotions, dark (and fair), seethed.

"My turn to ask questions,"
he whispered in my ear, his breath warm like a blanket
around my shoulders. "Will you be my partner?... forever?" I sighed,
the flutter was now in my stomach, "hmm... I need some time to think." His face fell.
"But I could answer sooner if you...," I waited for him to look up, "... kiss me." He gladly complied.

Copyright (C) Meeta
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"If you wish to be loved, love."