Fantastic at 40: Six Mantras for Life

"I'm not 40, I'm 18 with 22 years of experience." - Unknown

#10yearchallenge #turningforty #fitatforty #lifebeginsagainatforty #lovingbeingforty #fantasticatforty

I turned forty earlier this month. It was an uncharacteristically simple, quiet day at home, without even the celebratory birthday cake, let alone a dinner/ party to mark the occasion. And yet, it was a momentous day for me – I felt grateful, inspired, energised, alive, … fantastic! I realised that my entire fortieth year had, in fact, been a celebration!

Rewinding to my thirtieth birthday, ten years ago, I’d been overcome by a very different set of feelings – feeling ‘old’, considering myself an underachiever on the career track, worrying about health, cursing the seemingly irreversible gain in bodyweight, chiding myself for having neither sizable savings nor significant investments, and such.

And so, it was with a sense of tremendous cheer and calm at the same time that I welcomed the 40s.  I can’t say, of course, that I’ve found the perfect formula for a wonderful life, a culmination of wisdom gained over forty years. But I do know for sure that certain values are here to stay with me for a long, long time. I know what I do and don’t care for. I have jettisoned consciously what I believe takes away from living life fully and embraced thoroughly what I have found makes life richer. This is my list of six mantras that matter.

Me

Fewer things, more experiences.

The thirties were markedly a time for acquiring more things. But I’ve realised over the past few years, that an abundance of things not only takes away focus, attention and energy, but also dilutes an emotional experience. I have resolved to consciously work towards reducing tangible and intangible clutter, and seeking out new experiences.

[Fortieth year highlight – living out a childhood dream: making my acting debut with an independent Marathi film, Eka Veli Ek Diwas, by award-winning film-maker, Sarika Joshi.]

Not body weight, but body confidence.

My approach to body image has taken a 180-degree turn, due, especially, to my enhanced understanding of the science behind how the human body works. I am finally in a good place to evaluate what works for me, what doesn’t, and what targets I should set for myself. As I get closer in touch with my body, the better it responds to my efforts to keep it fit.

[Fortieth year highlights – Losing several kilos of body fat, gaining a couple of kilos of muscle, improving strength training PRs by over 100%, running an impromptu 10K and finishing third.]

Mine

Less Facebook, more face-time.

My belief in real-world, real-time, in-person relationships, has been solidified in the past few years. The make-believe world of social media does not and can never replace real relationships. I will be sure to invest more time in the latter with people that matter to me – my family and friends.

[Fortieth year highlight – Doing a two-week cycling tour, immersing in the culture and history of Vietnam and Cambodia, with some of my dearest girlfriends from around the world for company.]

My legacy is not my ideals but my actions.

Becoming a mother has been the single most defining moment of my life thus far. As a parent, I’ve realised that it is not what I teach my child that is important, but what I allow him to learn from me. He watches my actions and models his own behaviour. The best I can do is be the role model he needs.

[Fortieth year highlights – Having my son enthusiastically read his favourite books to me, watching him dance to rhythm, observing him playing fair and being generous, hearing him set high aspirations.]

Ours

Conserve and sustain.

I was always aware of the value of conservation and ecological sustainability. Thanks to an upbringing as an Army officer’s kid, often in the hinterland of the country, I experienced enough scarcity of environmental resources such as energy, water and habitat, to learn how to value them, conserve them, and put them to judicious use. As an adult, with greater disposable and discretionary income, I could afford more comfort, convenience and even luxury. However, I have also realised how much at odds comfort, convenience and luxury can be with the ecological sustainability of our planet. The answer is simple – comfort is a state of mind, convenience is a choice, and luxury is optional. The bottom line is that we have only one planet. And I have to do my part to keep it clean, safe and rich.

[Fortieth year highlight – actively monitoring, measuring and reducing those actions that have a harmful effect on the environment; also, actively sharing my tips for environmental conservation with family and friends – It’s not a saying yet, but should be - Conservation begins at home!]

Create social impact.

I was never troubled by existential questions such as ‘what is the meaning of life?’ Or, ‘what is the purpose of my life?’ So, it was with a sense of gratitude that I received the answer when the Universe decided to give it to me anyway. A personal tryst with health-related issues, mine and the family’s, and the resultant journey towards regaining health set me on a path to learning about health and fitness in a way that I’d never imagined. The experience, although serendipitous, made it clear to me that health and fitness is the foundation of personal, familial, societal and national wellbeing. It simultaneously uncovered my deepest passion for the subject. If there is one area where I want to create lasting social impact, this is it.

[Fortieth year highlight – I finally figured out what it was that I would want to ‘start’ on my own. It began with becoming a certified Fitness Coach. I have also overcome my fear of the unpredictability of entrepreneurship; hence, I believe my forties are going to be very different from earlier decades.]

I am a sucker for lists, targets and plans. I realise I work better with them. So, here’s a list of things I want to do this year, my forty-first!

Stretch my physical capabilities – Do a full rep of:

·      a pull-up,

·      a pistol squat, and

·      a handstand

(Re)Learn a skill

·      How to do make-up

·      Practise my foreign language skills, especialmente Español

Accomplish critical items on my to-do-list

·      Write a full non-fiction manuscript

·      Take the entrepreneurial plunge

Bring it on!

When a friend calls

I lost an old childhood friend to domestic violence a few days ago. Her fault was that she tolerated for too long the cruelty meted out to her and told herself that it was 'okay' for things to be this way. 

The sudden news was unfathomable to all of us who had known each other as classmates in school. For the longest time we wondered why she had not told even one of us what she had been going through. We had known each other for over 25 years after all! If she'd have shared her trials and tribulations with us, perhaps, we could have helped. Perhaps, we could have shown her that she was not alone. That she could get out of the seemingly impossible situation. Why did she go through this all alone? Why did she not reach out?!

And then it dawned on us, a group of grown women, some married, some single, some divorced; some as yet childless, some mothers of children; some working at home, some outside too; women that had shared several years together as 'girls'. The last time that any of us had spoken to her was six months ago.

It dawned on us that we don't 'talk to each other' anymore. We know of each other all right. Thanks to Facebook, WhatsApp, Instagram and several other apps that let you believe that you are connected to your friends, we all know about each other. But, we don't really 'know' each other. The instant gratification promised by social media, and the narcissistic indulgence in the 'selfie' phenomenon have rendered to us such contorted versions of reality that we start to trust in this make-believe world of pretty pictures that belie the truth of our lives. And, unfortunately, this friend had had some of the prettiest pictures to share. 

The incredulity and pain of this whole experience made me think back to the times when I shared a bit of myself with my friends. I realised that those were the times when I actually met them in flesh and blood or, at the very least, had a heart to heart conversation over a phone call. It was those moments of 'connecting' that actually helped to keep the bond of friendship alive and meaningful. The numbers of 'friends', 'tags', 'mentions', 'likes' and '+1s' have never really mattered. Because that's not where the whole of me is. Those things are but a minuscule manifestation of what my life is about. Sadly, our minds perceive this manifestation as synecdochical and believe it is the whole truth. 

As much as I cursed my own failings as a friend, not to have seen beyond the pretty pictures, not to have called my friend more often for just for a casual, agenda-less, heart-to-heart conversation, not to have realised that it would matter a lot more to her to actually speak to a friend than to receive a text message, I was reminded of all those friends who have actually taken the trouble to do this for me in the past. I recalled the times that a friend called me to wish me on my birthday rather than sending a text message on a WhatsApp group (which would, in no time, be copy-pasted by several others on the group). I remembered when a mentor and guide called to congratulate me on a promotion and wished for my well-being rather than dish out a perfunctory 'thumbs-up' sign on my Facebook wall. I recollected when a relative called to ask if I needed any assistance when I shared news of child-raising troubles and challenges on the family group. 

Anissia's death was a rude shock in every sense of the term. For me, personally, it has been a wake up call and reminder that I have much to do to be a better friend to my friends. 

I came across these beautiful lines recently that capture the essence of the kind of support friends offer each other. I vow to endeavour to be such a friend to my friends.

Kheench kar utar dete hain
Umr ki chaadar
Yeh kambakht dost 
Kabhi boodha nahin hone dete.

Doston se rishta rakha karo, janaab
Tabiyat mast rahegi
Yeh woh hakim hain
Jo alfaaz se ilaaj kar diya karte hain.

Yaad

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Bhulaye jaane ke dar se, bach gaye hum!