A morning in mid-August 2004
"How do you like this one?" Mom asked, trying to sound as casual as possible, while pushing the photograph to me across the breakfast table.
"Smart, ok, ... what does he do?" I answered, only half-interested.
"Let's see, now what did P. Attya (Dad's sister) tell me about this one... umm... here it is, a 'Consultant - Technical'. Seems like he is doing well. What do you think?"
"Mom, that doesn't mean anything! The chief technician at the local garage down the road could also be called Consulant - Technical."
"Oh, all right, I'll get some more details from P. But he has an M.S. from NY and has been in a stable well-paying job in the U.S. for the past three years. Seems to come from a good educated family too, you know, his father was a Colonel in the Army and now works in the Gulf. His mother has been in the teaching profession. They belong to the same community as us, too. Will you at least agree to talk to him?"
"Hmm... let me know what you find out and then I'll talk. Got to run now, Mommy. The boss has called a full-day meeting for the annual review. Will be back late this evening."
And that's how I first came to know of AS.
The Introduction
Late August 2004
Mom did all her homework and passed on AS' contact information to me. The Internet bridges (almost) all gaps between people today. And so we got in touch, me and AS, over email.
Mom's initial impression soon became my own impression of AS. He was smart, ambitious, enthusiastic and even endearing. Over the next six months, we graduated to chat sessions and then phone calls, which went from a weekly to bi-weekly to almost daily frequency.
The meeting
March 2005
By now AS and I had exchanged enough notes to know that we wanted to get to know each other much better. It was perfect that he had decided to take his annual vacation then and would be spending time in Mumbai. I could hardly wait to find out if my impressions would indeed be the reality.
We met at a neat restaurant in central Mumbai over lunch, just me and him. At the end of the meal, he made as if to shake my hand, as we got ready to take leave of each other. But instead, he took my hand and held it for much longer than a few moments. I was just recovering from the unexpected gesture when he spoke my mind and asked if he could meet my parents.
My parents were pleased but cautious. They were realising for the first time that it might soon be time for them to let go of their darling daughter and trust a strange person (almost) with her well-being.
Next steps
The meeting between the families went much better and faster than I had expected. His parents took to me as quickly as AS had. I was flattered. At the end of the next few days, which I only remember hazily because they went by so quickly, I had a ring on my finger. It read 'A-S', a combination of our names. He had a similar one on his finger. I was engaged!! Just like that! After having spent exactly 11.5 hours with the man that I had now decided to spend the rest of my life with! I must have been extremely gullible or he extremely confident ... :)
Planning the Big Day
The wedding date was set for a year later, summer 2006. AS left almost soon after the matter was 'arranged'. He would return just in time for the wedding. A long wait for both of us. But worth the while, I thought, and he too.
Maharashtrian weddings are not known to be exceptionally large-scale, flashy and entertaining events. Yet there was a lot of work to be done. Mom and Dad quickly sat down to chalk out a check-list:
- Booking the hall for the wedding (since they go so quickly during the wedding season and dates are difficult to accommodate)
- Finding the punditji (priest) to conduct the pre-wedding, wedding and post-wedding rituals
- Guest lists, invitee lists (oh trust me, this does take a long, long time!)
- Checking out the optimal catering services
- Logistics for some of the guests who would be arriving from out of town
- Printing invitation cards
- Gifts for the important people in the family (yes, you are supposed to give gifts to people when you get married... wasn't it supposed to be the other way round...?)
- Garnering help from family and friends to get everything in order
- etc. ...
I, in the meanwhile, had other things to take care of:
- At work, preparing my boss and colleagues for my departure, as I would be moving to the US with AS. I had spent over a year and half with the team and we had grown to become a family
- With friends, catching up with the gang, people that I'd grown up with, from kindergarten, school, college, b-school, the colony, and inviting them for my special day
- At home, spending more time with family, learning to cook, being nicer to my little brother, consoling Mom when she would sporadically become sentimental about 'sending me away', as she called it, getting nostalgic about all the wonderful times I had shared with my wonderful family, sobbing just a little over how I'd miss them, albeit secretly so that they wouldn't get maudlin too
During this time, I also came to realise how much wider my social network had suddenly become. AS, being the only child, did not have any close siblings that I would have to learn to like. But he did have close uncles and aunts and cousins, whom, I found it was surprisingly easy to like. Their acceptance of me in their family was one more source of confirmation that I had made the right decision.
The 'V' word
Of course, there was the question of how I would get to the US. AS helped me a great deal with getting my papers organised for the visa, finding me the right consultant to help out with the documentation, and goading me to keep track of consulate interview dates.
Having heard several visa 'horror' stories, I was rather nervous about how I'd go through with the interview. AS calmed my nerves and encouraged me to be optimistic and focussed. He would take care of all the rest, he said. He also had some bright ideas for job opportunities for me once I got there.
So far, so good.
The Big Day
22nd April 2006
So that's how it feels - the end of one phase of life, the start of another. Anxiety, excitement, apprehension, nervousness and a quiet exhilaration took turns in controlling my mental state that day. AS had arrived only a few days earlier but looked much calmer and more composed than I was. That comforted me a great deal.
The day marked the culmination of all the work that had gone on behind the scenes over the past year. The decorations in the wedding hall, the barrage of guests from the bride's and the groom's sides, the punditji's chanting of sacred mantras to signify the union of these two bodies and souls. It is difficult to state exactly what I felt at the moment that the varmalas (garlands) were exchanged, signalling the conclusion of the wedding ceremony, hence, pronouncing us a married couple. But I do remember sending up quick prayers to the Lord Almighty to give us, me and AS, the strength, perseverance and love for each other, to make this association a long-lasting one.
Married!
It's been almost a week as Mrs. AS. The feeling is sinking in slowly. And it still feels good. I must have done something right, after all. :)
[Meeta: Now, to straighten all facts, S is my sis-in-law and AS, my dear cousin. Having shared some of the anxiety, concerns and excitement with S during her run up to the wedding, I felt I should dedicate this post to the young couple.
Wish you all the best, guys! Hope you love, care for, and keep each other for as long as you live. Be happy!]
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"Don't wait. The time will never be just right."
